Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize