Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
