you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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