It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
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