I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize