is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
