Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
