dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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