so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
