if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
