thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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