I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
