I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
