Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
her facebook's as public as her vagina
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
