Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
