Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
