i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
