You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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