I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
