I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
