Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
