so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
