He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
