Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Who died my cat blue again?
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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