you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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