He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
