Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
