Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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