I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
