I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
