i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize