So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Randomize
