clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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