Umm I'm too high to move.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
last night I used snow as a chaser
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize