If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
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