If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
third nipple confirmed
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
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