then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
