ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
