I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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