Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
