some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
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