This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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