Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
