I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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