Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
What a dumb baby whore.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
