You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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