it wasn't lemon gatorade
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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