"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Randomize
