Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
