He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!