I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
you win again, gameday.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place