Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
My balls are so social today.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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