I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
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After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
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Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*