I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
it's great music for shaving your balls
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good