I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.