My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
17 of the Dumbest Defenses Heard in Court
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
These 19 Ladies Love Pegging Their Men
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again