trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober