she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
