I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
