I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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