Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
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Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
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we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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