Well apparently he's into motor boating.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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