I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
