Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
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