its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
