Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
He better not be in your backpack
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
