I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
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