did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
