Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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